There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
