She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
