I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
