Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
