I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
