don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
