It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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