I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
