I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
