Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize