This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
