he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize