we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
