I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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