Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize