They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
