i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
