I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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