I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
