What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
