I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
