I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
