Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
