ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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