I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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