he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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