Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
