Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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