Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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