pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
