Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
