I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
