Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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