In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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