She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
