I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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