My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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