glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
