girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
