I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I checked into jail on foursquare
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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