her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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