just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
