and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And then he peed in my hair
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