I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
