All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
