went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
