It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
