would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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