haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
