mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
