You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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