So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
