who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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