well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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