so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize