I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
