please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
