She is in my trunk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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