Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
