I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
