watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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