Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
