apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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