too bad you live with your parents still
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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