we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
