So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
