Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
