i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
