a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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