its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
