I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
