Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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