There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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