I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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